The past is gone, but it can still deeply affect us. Is there any way to change something so fixed and complete? Is there any way to redefine the hurt or trauma we've faced?
When I was five years old, my parents took me on a skiing trip to Colorado. I remember the morning they dropped me off at a ski school for kids so I could learn the basics. My memories of that experience have held strong over the years and established a deep belief about my parents.
I remember feeling terrified. I was an incredibly shy and introverted kid. I felt utterly abandoned. How could my parents leave me like this? I remember being in a room (sepia tinted in my mind) that lacked enough sunshine. At least 20 other kids stood around me as we all dressed in our heavy coats and mittens, ready to face the cold outdoors.
Outside, I remember being at the top of a steep hill with only skis, no poles to help guide me. And I was forced to slide down this hill all alone to one of the adults at the bottom. Sliding, sliding, sliding - alone and having no control of my feet.
It felt like I was there the entire week of our family trip - as though my parents had dropped me off so they could go gallivanting on their own.
Thirty years passed before I finally asked my mom how long I was at that ski school. She said, "Oh, just for an afternoon." What had felt like an eternity of abandonment to my five-year-old heart had only been a few hours intended to help me gain skills to have fun with my family on our vacation.
It's amazing how something so trivial could be so powerful in shaping my perspective. I'd felt abandoned and alone and that feeling tainted my view of my parents for decades. Decades!
How crafty is the enemy of our souls!
I also spent time praying about this scenario, knowing I needed freedom from that feeling of abandonment. The Holy Spirit brought to my mind the scene back on that hill. And I could finally see reality through His eyes. What was real?
The hill was not steep. It was a gentle slope.
And, most importantly, I was never alone. God showed me gliding down the bunny hill and I saw something I'd never seen before - Jesus following right behind me, His arms stretched out on both sides of me, ready to guide and protect.
Now, when I revisit this memory in my mind, I see Jesus right there with me. I see the reality of my parents' love for me. I see the lie of abandonment for what it was.
But it took me laying down my perspective - seeing things the way God does - in order to find freedom in that memory.
How about you? What memories haunt you? What past moments fill you with shame or fear? No doubt, this memory of mine was absolutely nothing in comparison to the horrors that so many have faced. But whether the circumstance you faced was trivial or profound, the enemy of your soul will use it to keep you stuck.
Nevertheless, the God who created you, the One who has ordered each day for you before one of them came to be, is the One who can take the tainted and traumatic moments of the past and reshape them for His purpose and for your ultimate good.
How your past impacts your present and your future is now up to you. Will you exchange your perspective for God's reality? Are you willing to look through His lens and lay down your own?
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