At age 19, I came to the end of myself - and the end of my plans for life.
To that point, I knew exactly how I wanted my life to move forward. In college at the time, I'd deliberately chosen my major geared for a career that would equip me for the life of fame and riches I'd planned on. I was engaged at the time to an incredibly sweet guy who treated me well. Everything was working as it should.
But a restlessness came over me that I couldn't suppress. Something was off.
God had been wooing me back for months, back to live in partnership with Him, to live surrendered to His will rather than my own. And, finally, those many prods and pokes over the months brought me to a critical moment in my life.
I realized that in all of my planning, I'd completely lost myself. I'd crafted an identity based on achievements and accolades rather than on who the God who created me said I was.
Like you, I've had several key moments of life where everything shifted - the moment I took my marriage vows and the births of my three children are some of the most significant. But the absolute peak moment of my life was when I sat in a local coffee shop with a blank journal page staring up at me and I wrote these few words, "Who am I?"
Who am I? What's my point in being here? What defines me?
The restlessness had stirred me in the deepest recesses of my soul and brought to the surface the questions that matter the most. And I realized that my plans for grandeur and influence and comfort were small and petty. So I sat in that chair, staring at this singular question, and I knew that only One Person could properly and fully answer it.
The One who created me.
That most significant moment of my life, I set aside my agenda, my plans, my college major, my relational ties, my plans for my future spouse, and my entire identity. I surrendered everything in that moment - and that moment became a critical pivot in life.
The coming months would bring radical clarity and powerful life shifts. Yes, there was still work for me to do! I went through career counseling with an open mind and heart and lots of prayer to help me redirect my college major and trajectory. I poured myself into the Bible, journaling, time growing with other believers, and prayer. I ended my engagement and about 15 months later, the Lord brought a new man into my life whose passion and intensity for God and unconditional love for me would be exactly the partnership I would need to help me become the woman God always intended.
This was how it looked for me - and it may look very different for you. But one thing will be the same - SURRENDER is the key. Surrender of your plans and desires. Surrender of your self-imposed identity. Surrender of your priorities. Surrender of your control.
How do you find God's plan for your life? You let go of your own plans and let Him take over.
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